Joe felt bad about it, but he couldn’t seem to help it. He just didn’t care for the pastor. It wasn’t personal. The minister seemed to be a nice, sincere guy who worked hard. Others loved him, but he just wasn’t Joe’s cup of tea. The brother didn’t want to cause trouble or dissension and even prayed for the man and his ministry. But that sense of dissatisfaction lingered. He wasn’t sure what to do about it.
Have you ever felt that way about your pastor? You didn’t hate him, or wish him ill, and even appreciated certain aspects of him, but found it hard to be content with the overall man/woman? How did you respond?
We’ve all probably had this experience if we’ve gone to church for very long. I’m not speaking here today of a pastor who’s obviously corrupt, sinful, or seriously incompetent. That’s another issue. This is more a case of preference or taste.
Why do some pastors not appeal to us?
1. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because we all have different tastes
It’s that simple. You like boring vanilla ice cream and I prefer Moose Tracks. The same is true with pastors. Some like intellectuals, others like folksy. Some like forceful personalities, others like gentle ones. There’s no right or wrong here. It’s about taste and every congregation is full of a range of tastes. This issue is unavoidable.
2. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because we got used to the last pastor
I’m wearing a pair of old shoes. They have wrinkles in the soles which just fit my feet. They should, I’ve worn them hundreds of times. They’re comfortable. Pastors can be like old shoes. We got used to Pastor Bob, and attached to him, and now this new guy comes in who’s not like Pastor Bob; not as comfortable a fit. And maybe not as talented in some areas as Pastor Bob was (though probably better in others). So he feels uncomfortable to us; somewhat of a stretch, at least for a while.
3. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because we disagree with certain of their beliefs
You’re pre-trib. He’s post-trib. You’re more conservative about social issues, he’s more liberal. He wants to be more seeker-sensitive, while you think that’s not what the church is for. And so on. Now, some issues really do matter; what one might call “pillar issues”, like the deity of Christ or salvation by grace alone. But I’m speaking here of areas where godly Christians can have different opinions and still be orthodox. Still, the differences bother you.
4. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because of their focus
Their focus is on evangelism, while you think the church is more for feeding the saints. Or they want to build a solid small group program with a number of groups, while you think Sunday morning meetings should be enough or just a good, old-fashioned prayer meeting on Wednesday.
5. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because they’re too controversial
They have strong opinions and speak them in colorful and even abrasive, John-the-Baptist sort of ways. They criticize other denominations or jump into political endorsements of various sorts. They’re black and white sort of thinkers, while you tend to be more nuanced, more likely to see some truth on both sides.
6. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because they’re not that friendly
Oddly enough, some ministers are more scholars than people-persons, or are simply shy, not to mention that there is only one of them to remember and there may be hundreds of you. Plus, on Sunday morning, they’re often task-oriented, juggling multiple balls at once and so not focused much on those around them.
7. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because they convict us
Ouch. We came to the service to get a shot of comfort and they gave us a push instead. They can be comforting, but sometimes they hit us where it hurts – issues of sin and compromise in our lives. That’s good, but not fun. If you’re not ready to get serious with God, it’s annoying.
8. Some pastors don’t appeal to us because they’re ungodly
This one’s got teeth in it. Being ordained a pastor does not necessarily make one saintly. Some rascals get into the ministry, sad to say. They’re usually good at covering it up, but a pattern of harshness, manipulativeness, dishonesty, and so on, eventually emerge (though don’t expect your pastor to be perfect either – you and I aren’t).
What’s a wise response to an unappealing pastor?
1. It’s wise to have realistic expectations
Warren Wiersbe was once given a list of expectations and asked to recommend a pastor who fit them. I love his reply. “Which expectation do you want?” he replied. In other words, no one minister could come close to meeting that wish list. That’s what the Body of Christ is meant to do – to bring complementary gifts to support the pastor’s strengths and supplement their weaknesses.
2. It’s wise to be deliberately supportive
Avoid gossip about your dissatisfactions. Pray for the minister. If possible, directly affirm them on a regular basis (we pastors are encouraged by occasional praise, believe it or not). Do what you can to help them succeed. Volunteer. Join in. Don’t be passive.
3. It’s wise to come to church Spirit-filled
It’s hard to light wet wood. If you’ve been preparing your heart all week, savoring a moment by moment relationship with God, you’ll come tinder-dry; easy to light. Even a weaker service will still strike a few sparks. You won’t need entertaining stories or a “good show” to get you worshiping.
4. It’s wise, when possible, to get to know the pastor and his family
I know this isn’t realistic in a mega-church, but even taking time to ask a few personal questions and show interest in the pastor, when they’re not besieged, can be refreshing for them and enlightening for you. Pastor the pastor.
5. It’s wise to focus on Jesus, not the pastor
Jesus is the star by far. The pastor is just an ordinary human being, like you, who happened to be called to serve God in professional ministry. They’re no better than you. Their powers are limited. It’s Jesus who saves us, transforms us, and keeps us. It’s Jesus we came to worship, not the pastor. They’re just a vessel through whom Christ can flow.
6. It’s wise, to commit more to the church, than to the pastor
Pastors come and pastors go. If you’ve found a good church, stick around, because Pastor Bob may be in Kentucky next year anyway.
7. It’s wise, if it seems useful, to talk with the pastor about your misgivings
Sometimes it’s useful to explain what’s bothering you to the pastor. Do so kindly and diplomatically. You may find out that you’ve misunderstood. You may provide useful feedback. They may hear you out and stay the same anyway (if we pastors tried to please everyone we’d soon be useless), but just the communication may improve your attitude.
8. It’s wise, if you choose to leave the church, to leave well
Be gracious. Don’t stir dissent (unless serious sin is involved). Let them know you’re leaving, and, if important, tell them why in a loving, fair way. Then go and keep as quiet as possible about it.