To quote “Eleanor Rigby”, it was a face that I “keep in a jar by the door”. Definitely not my usual way of appearing. I was between schools and seeking work. So I took up substitute teaching. Do you remember those days; the times when a “sub” showed up in your classroom? Well, how did you act? I was always a good rule follower as a kid, but even I, in junior high, remember harassing a substitute teacher. Trying to make him look ignorant (in real life he was an insurance salesman), I asked him to explain “the molecular structure of a piece of wood”. Pretty rude, huh? That’s how we nerds act out.
Anyway, now I was the one in the hotseat and the kids were having fun testing my limits. So I did the only thing I could think to do: I put on my “Tim the tough man” face and threw in an “I mean business” voice. It worked. Sorta. It was a long day, though, and eventually I found other work. I’m gentle by nature. Wearing my stern persona pushes me out of my comfort zone and ratchets up my stress level.
What is a “persona”, by the way? Originally this word was “a Latin term for a type of mask worn by stage actors…which represented their stage character.” Today, it refers to our public image; to what people perceive when they encounter us. This image might arise out of our body language, tone of voice, choice of words, and even from the way we dress.
Now, before I go any further, I can hear someone saying: “Why talk about personas; about my public image? I don’t worry about what others think of me. That’s what phony people do. I just stick with being myself and let other people deal with it.” I appreciate this question, since most of us do want to be genuine with others and not put out a fake image. Nevertheless, while it’s good to be authentic, this does not mean that we have to show all of ourselves, all of the time, to everyone. Social skillfulness requires that I present different aspects of myself depending on my situation and my audience. For instance, at work I put on a more professional face than I do when hanging around home. And, around old friends, I can divulge personal tidbits that would be “too much information” for most of the people I have contact with. Not making these sorts of distinctions can create social blunders and even offend. Making them skillfully smooths out our social interactions. This leads to our first question:
Why does it matter what image I project to others?
1. The image I project affects the way that others perceive me
Our persona is a big part of the impression others take away about us. While it’s immature to always play to the crowd, there are certain impressions most of us want others to receive about us and other impressions that we don’t want them to take away. We usually desire them to perceive us as kind, or strong, or capable, for instance, and do not desire them to walk away thinking that we’re mean, or weak, or incompetent. Our persona sends these sorts of messages about us, whether we do so consciously or unconsciously. This leads to the next point:
2. The image I project affects my ability to help others
My main goal in life, besides loving God, is to love my neighbor as myself. My persona will either help me or hinder me in doing that. It can open doors, or it can shut them. Does my public image allow others to trust me more easily? To feel accepted and loved? To believe what I say? Or does it cause others to keep their distance?
3. The image I project affects the power of my witness for Christ
An old chorus we sang, when I was a lad, drove this point home. It said: “What you are speaks so loud that the world can’t hear what you say.” Words are cheap. Before people will believe my witness about Christ, they must first see Him in my life. Do I show his love, his peace, his wisdom, and his strength? If I do, then my testimony becomes far more compelling.
This moves us to our second question:
How can I project my best self to others?
1. I project my best self to others when I’m genuine
My best self needs to be based on the real me. To pretend to be someone we’re really not, is not only deceptive, it’s also exhausting. God made you the way he wanted you to be—a wonderful one of a kind mix of gifts and traits. So make the most of you. God will use you just as you are, and that’s what matters in the end.
2. I project my best self to others when I let godliness guide me
Despite my desire to be genuine, I don’t want everything inside me on display for others to see. That’s because I my inner world is populated with both grace and garbage. At this stage, sin still co-exists with saintliness. So though I may choose sometimes to humbly admit my flaws, there’s no reason to unnecessarily flaunt them before others. I want what I reveal to be helpful, not hurtful.
3. I project my best self to others when my persona reflects what’s appropriate for the situation
What part of myself I show to the public will depend on who that public happens to be, at the moment, and on what the circumstances require. An appropriate response may run the gamut from strong forcefulness to meek gentleness, from solemnity to hilarity. Our choice of persona is best when it’s guided by love and leavened by wisdom. There are skills involved here, and they take years of humble learning to practice well.
4. I project my best self to others when I gain freedom from a strong need to please or to impress them
Here’s the kicker. Perhaps you thought, all along, that I’ve been telling you how to get others to like you or to look up to you. But that was not my intention. It’s pleasant, of course, when that happens. But if our public image is mainly built around gaining the approval or respect of others, then it can easily become a selfish exercise in manipulation. Our Lord Jesus, while he often impressed others, sometimes chose a public face that got in their faces. He could anger a crowd in ten seconds flat. In both of these scenarios, however, Jesus was acting out of love; giving people what they needed, but not always what they preferred. Love must guide what we project about ourselves.
5. I project my best self to others when I let God make me increasingly beautiful inside
Ultimately, despite our best efforts, our true self usually emerges, especially among those who really know us. While we may sometimes have to, quote, “fake it”, in other words, to do the good outwardly that we’re not feeling inwardly at the moment, this isn’t optimal. God is working in us to transform our hearts so that our inner self and our outer self are both in sync. Over time, for instance, I may grow more able to act lovingly because I’ve become more loving. In fact, what’s exciting are those moments when our inner beauty unconsciously surges out through our persona. These sorts of moments are a payoff that comes from letting the Spirit freely work in our hearts.
A godly heart, guided by godly discretion, helps me to choose “the me that others see”. My deep hope is that they will see Jesus in me. A glimpse of our magnificent Savior is a priceless gift to give those who desperately need Him.